why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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