Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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