Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
