Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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