The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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