I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
