I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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