cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
