We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
