So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
