my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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