she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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