I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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