I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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