Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
