apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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