help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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