I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
