I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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