Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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