your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
