Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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