I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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