Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
