last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
