hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
