I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
