is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
do nipples grow back?
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