So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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