Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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