It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think your dad took our porno
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
