what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
