also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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