I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
