Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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