He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
