I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
