took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
