Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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