So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
