He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
