I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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