I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
