she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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