my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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