i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
