btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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