So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
