I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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