Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
