but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
