Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
