Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
