uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
