Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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