Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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